a Living Breathing Journal of My PTSD Journey. as I Paint through the Pain & Celebrate Life.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
The simple JY's of life. What a pleasure it is to open my back door, and see a garden. To see the beautiful colors of a tomato on the vine. I try very hard not to take life for granted, although it is masked by antidepressants .And I've become aware of my vanity, I wear a scarf in most photographs to cover the stiches. I'm sure once the stiches are removed, I will gain the strength to wear the scar as a badge. [another thing I survived] I feel powerless, because all of this has been of My control. And they say I have a TBI=[ brain injury],it is a serious matter, it is something a lot a athletes are left to deal with...... I think what makes it hard is, I know how I was as a being. I had false hope it will go away= yet it hasn't. I try to remain positive, and work with Who I am today~rather then who I was. It truly is a stumbling block, when those Who know Me~ expect Me to, to recover back to myself ...... Acceptance is setting in= this is Me now. This is the best Me~ I can be [take it, or leave it] It's been hard on my family. I won't get in the car without steal box cutter, And now with the brace on My neck, I'm ever more frightened. I ride with three pillows, one circle pillow behind my neck. One across my chest, and one on My lap= then I put My seat belt on. It gives more room to free myself, to cut myself out, and the cutter is blunt enough to brake the windows.[need less to say, I hate electric locks, and windows] Mostly because the car that hit us was on fire, and I was restrained.... So a simple ride to the store is terrifying to Me.[that may never change] I'm gonna go for awhile, since My pain, is doing all the all talking.....And sit on the back step, and listen to life around me, the birds are calming, and day is beautiful. I thank God out loud, for letting Me be apart of the universe. Xx