Friday, October 31, 2014

~THRILLER,or 13 going on 30= L[]VE them B[]TH!

~Happy Halloween~

Monday, October 27, 2014

I'm saying I can't right now= I'm not saying I quit]~Say it isn't so......

Your health is so great a tool, in Your existence . I can't function due to all this pain. It has crippled my physical body, and mind.I keep trying to proceed, as if it not happening/aka denial. I proceed to set up My Christmas work shop~ set up all my paint , and beads as if. I let the words pass my lips to My sister, I have not beaded in a year..... I go for my test at My neurologist  Wednesday~ so it isn't so....

Saturday, October 25, 2014

~Sometimes You need alittle help~

Sometimes it hard to tell another person how We feel.But it does help, even though it's hard to allow the emotion issues to pass your lips. Although We feel strong, and inadvisable~But We are not it's ok, to allow others in on our emotions= especially when We are over-whelmed. So I speak openly about my feeling ... I had cognitive therapy yesterday, I now need help with, things that use to come natural. I am being re-taught,and it is humbling=We all need help sometimes.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

[Sly Cooper Marathon]

The J[]Y, of the sound of teenagers in the living room. I love the sound of laughter.

The things We collect~What do You collect?

For Me I L[]VE books,it's seems I have a lot of books.

Sitting having coffee~

No ones life is perfect~Most people have tattered families,But in mine I use be the strong one. And that has been altered~brain damage is serious, because You look fine on the outside.Yet my body, doesn't respond to my  minds commands neither..... I'm learning to work with this altered self. [Probably now would not be a good time for a visited= as I get reacquainted with myself/ for even my belonging seem unfamiliar- I feel lost in a world they call=PERMANENT This will take some getting use to.  ~.Because I live in a small apartment,and need to change things up for winter, I will consider it = A new beginning.....And try to make my surrounding seem less foreign, maybe it's from moving everything around for the surgery/ either way= I feel lost [like the woman, in the movie notebook..[]ver. and []ut

Friday, October 17, 2014

 My heart is drenched, in why.......
Don't know why [Norah Jones]

Rob Elliot, and Tom Sumank~ [For the Moment] featuring Ronda Swindell

Sending Glitter to My friend Ronda, and Artist X[]x

Where is the Justice~ I SURRENDER!

I would like to tell You why I'm so mad= but I'm restrained/ turns out they have a clause... The passenger in the car accident  [who is Me] is not cover~ I guess I will be going to food banks all My life= and forever be broken = Where is the Justice/ I just may have to let go of My dreams of building  Jabip Village [and sell everything I own to survive=I can't work any more [I am disabled, mind,and body/ I  feel dispair , all hope feels G[]NE= at least at the end of all this suffering, I thought I could open a store, hold meeting, and gallery the works of other artist like ME= today surrender, and GIVE it to G[]D, because I can't handle this body,or mind ~I've been left with.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

~Wayfarin Stranger~ [Selah]

Golden fields lie out before Me~ Where weary eyes shall weep no more= I'll drop My cross of self-denial I feel it's forgiveness, that takes You home [Dragonfly Alezia]

Silent Lucedity [Queensryche]

~There's a place I like to hide, a doorway that I run through in the night~

~Don't put Your trust in walls, `Cause walls will only crush You when they fall~[Be here now,here now] Ray LaMontatage

Till the Sun, turns black.....


Play Music

"Be Here Now"
Don't let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies

Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

Tuesday, October 14, 2014


Hope Y[]U are all watching the V[]ICE~[ so inspiring]

~Be sureto L[]VE the the people around Y[]U= Life is a GIFT~[ Life is short, and unpredictable]

I've been trying to be more in the moment~ I guess it takes for Your health to take a turn, for You, or I to appreciate= each minute in Your day...... I feel my health declining, I have become aware. Tomorrow is a gift. And L[]VE, and KINDNESS is a choice~ And We should give []ur whole heart every day, there is no promise for tomorrow.  So I never finished the cabinet,but I did get to spend time with My Grand babies. I plan to turn the cabinet into My Christmas work shoppe.....  I L[]VE to make personalized gifts/ hand make from the heart = What I call old fashion L[]VE.... I feel grateful, for the lessons  G[]D has humbled Me to see, and maybe I can't dance right now= but I won't give up My dancing shoes. And Maybe the store I want is alittle far out of my reach, but I won't give up the dream.....     My body is taking on a form of paralysis, and my mind [brain] is not the same= but My heart L[]VES so deep....  Life is short, and unpredictable= Be sure to L[]VE the people around Y[]U. [For that is how WE should be remembered ] With L[]VE

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Domestic Violence= it was a brochure for All State insurance [ I think] that read =some women wear these as a fashion statement/ and others to hide domestic violence ....... Please report any violence, You could save someone's life!

Thursday, October 9, 2014

~Ying and Yang~

~Happy Birthday John~

I will take with me My memories, like My sunshine after the rain.......

Tonight is suppose to be the Blood Moon

By the light of the Moon

Tranquility listening of the sound of the wind going through the woods behind Me, watching the ground hog, and squirrels play.

Rebe ling

[ Reincarnated ]~Rebe ling ~ I was told  awhile back not to write about my accident experience......Yesterday my Sister took me to cognitive therapy, this has very difficult on my family [my Children ] Acceptance , so I took a print out of my accident report to councilor , because I've never seen it before..... I found it to be devastating, although the timing was right [because of the company I was in] We realize, the person I was is gone. And portions of my memory recall, my use to be abilities. We had a family salon for years, and when that closed do to the economy, I became a Mall girl ~ I worked at a salon in the mall= I prided myself on perfection/ those days are gone. so in counseling we decided to approach this as a reincarnation= bits of how I was, and how I am......  I have a memory from long ago, I worked at a place in the mall,and they did my hair, and make-up they took to photos. One my hair was up, my wardrobe was white [ I thought it looked very regal].  Then the other was my hair blown out, it looked wild and savage . Well I walked through the mall, and there was this 80 x 80 poster of Me hanging.....  I remember be upset, because it wasn't the one I liked~ my point was  I didn't see the honor that they choose my poster.[Because it wasn't the one I wanted ] YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT = YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED = I will never be who I use to be, I am how I am, and who I am now, and  although I haven't painted since before my accident= My family has encouraged Me to sketch, so I will.... And I know I sounds crazy, to still want a store, but I do = because I know there are alot of people like Me [who are misplaced] And I still was to build a Village for all of US misfits. Much L[]VE DragonflyAlezia X[]x

~Taking advise from strangers~

Saw my Doctor today that performed my cervical surgery, He said be patient. So I will be patient, and set my pride aside. The up side is, I can hold my neck up-vs- My head use to fall like rag doll.....Start cognitive therapy tomorrow.......

Friday, October 3, 2014

The up side is it's not all in my head. [I am blessed ]

[It's all in my brain] Tried to improve by taken the anti-depressant =but It was causing Me heart palpitations. Back to square one. Now it's in the hands of the neurologist, they are offering Me cognitive therapy. Which I welcome,to re-teach Me. And I really thought having the neck surgery, I would be better. Now the neurologist needs to re-test, because I have numbness down throughout my limbs [EMG] electromyography= measures electrical activity in the muscle. And [NCV] nerve conduction velocity= measures the speed and intensity of the electrical signals that travel along the nerves and the time it takes the muscle to respond......These test provide an accurate diagnosis and are ordered to determine the cause of muscle weakness, pain, numbness, spasms,and paralysis.They will show if the symptoms have resulted from nerve  or muscle injuries.  
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I'm having a hard time coming to terms with it.They are going to re-test my limbs,because of the time that has passed it's permanent.I keep telling Myself it could be worst. And it's getting better.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

~Learning to cope~

[traumatic brain injury] permanent nerve damage~ It is settling in, because it is permanent it's not going away~ Saw the neurologist, I stopped posting my progress after my surgery = because  I didn't feel better.While the artificial disc, has held my neck up.The numbness through my body remains, I have been staying with My Sister, because I started an anti-depressant. I have been prone to seizures, so I need to be under the care of family. I know things could be worst, and I'm grateful to be alive. To be be present to see My Children, and Grand Children. I was under the false hope,that this would pass. I even ignored the word permanent, as long as they gave Me H[]PE.... But enough time has passed, and I've been told to have acceptance [So I'm learning to cope, as I Pray]
I must learn to accept,the Me I am now..... But I still have the spirit of a wild child, who wants to paint. I just need to be patient [for gifts come to us in God's Time]  See You soon, enjoy my new favorite song by Kenny Chesney, and Grace Potter.