a Living Breathing Journal of My PTSD Journey. as I Paint through the Pain & Celebrate Life.
Monday, August 26, 2013
~You the expression "what doe'nt kill you, makes you stronger".....It get tiring being strong, yet it is part of our survival skills. And when we need too "we can do anything, we set our mind too.~" I posted a note, on my bathroom mirror, and may sound silly= but it works.[Your life depend's on it] I must complete ,these tasks because, my life does depend on it....And I know, a good part of it is fear. Yet, I've been homeless before. And depending on others, is not one of my strongest features...... So it is fear, that drives me right now... Passing inspection, can be the difference/ as they say a deal braker....Completed another wall of painting, one stone at a time.... And all the while in my solace, I know in the end= my indepdence is crumbling before my eyes....This body can't make the climb, the way it once did.....I'm being swept away, perhaps dimensia will take me first, I always said " in my madness I will be painting= in glitter gown. It only hangs in my closet, and never see's light".[No doubt I'll be wearing one shoe......Seem's I can never find the other] I believe their is a hint of madness in us all....Can't wait till this is over.= There orchastra going on inside my head,crazy our most brillant works [comes to us, when there' hardly time for it]= those dreams, songs, painting, and novels will just have to wait....Doodles I call them, like this piece below. Just a doodle, I can do so much better....I just need more time=WMAN"I pray for more time, this isn't how it suppose to end..... I've become "my own ghost."