~Just in case [X[]x]~

As You know from the reading of my blog,I have PTSD.... Many years ago Three Amazing people were killed,on their way to our house for Thankgiving....My Mom alway's say's "that's where it started, my anxiety= hense PTSD. They say was in shock, but my kept moving [planning three funnerals]....What I most remember is walking in their house, late that night " there were two empty cups of tea, in the sink, with tea bags still in them". As if they thought, we'll get to that, when we get back. And of course, cleaning out there belongings.[ It was so tragic, it has changed me for life.] So to be honest with myself, and this may sound morbit,[but that's why I'm cleaning out my things]~Everyday I wake up, and feel no better than the day before. Well maybe it is anxiety, but I've collected little things along the way= to turn into art. I so feel frail, and frightened. And I know " I sure don't want my loved ones, to have to come in , and try make sense of my mess.. Like I said, the other day I'm scheduled for another epidurial.....And my love ones say "I'm just being silly, and that be so.....So, we'll say it's for the "sake of just in case". Besides I have been kinda of messy...We'll talk soon, until then....Love Alezia X[]xThank's for being there, I always feel better [know your there]PS. The 2nd Saturday, of September my painting's are going into a gallery, so I pray God give's me the strength to paint [better pieces] Amen!