a Living Breathing Journal of My PTSD Journey. as I Paint through the Pain & Celebrate Life.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
~I so love this photo , this something I would make with my children when I was well. In fact we did, I seached high ,and low for the photo, but could'nt find it....I have'nt been to the beach for two summer's now.....Not being well, is taken an emotional toll on me. I am considered "disabled". I am learning to face the fact.....I just had the epidural in my low back the other day, I must say I realize " I have been sad, it's not a feeling I'm use to....I always make the best of every thing.....I've had my beauty licence for 30 years, this is first time, I could'nt renew it....I can no longer do that work, nor can I afford to re-new it....I feels like, being a bird that can no longer fly. I've become an artist, that can no longer paint.... I a truley sad....And I not ashamed of my feelings, for a little while I was bitter, because just before the accident it was my goal, to open the store Jabip Village. And last night, I understood while laying in the hospital, that maybe it was better, I did'nt have the store yet "because I would have lost it by now, due to my injuries....So I execpt this fact, and try keep a positive out look, that good thing come to those who wait....And maybe my ego is bruised alittle, I'm use to be able to work. I would be that crazy, wild outfit ,big hair "hairdresser" .Who worked at the mall, and now I stand line at the food pantry, once a month.....But it's all gone be ok,seems God provides for me....It's not an eazy adjustment, but humbling....And I believe it is making me a better person.... I am certainly more aware of the strain, that disabled people must conform too.....I have completely humbled, and thank God I'm alive.... I have bad day's , don't we all....If you ever need to talk, you can write me. ~My Love You,are here, and so am I...... PS. I'm alittle slow, so it may take a day, or too.....See ya soon, Love Mother XX