Sunday, March 24, 2013

Marissa, by Erin.

So, over this weekend, I've had my friend Marissa over with Jewelia. Me and Marissa haven't known each other very long, infact, this is our first time hanging out other than at the mall, where everyone goes on Fridays. Anyway, I have so much respect toward Marissa it's rediculous. She's battled through her whole life for 14 years, and I am so proud of her for still being here. Throughout her life, she's been in and out of crisis and the hospital, covered her arms in scars, and made some pretty tough descisions. She's been judged by a lot of people, who I'd like to call cruel. It's a shame because of how society has made people feel because of how "beautiful" is portrayed. But, in my eyes, Marissa is beyond beautiful. I don't care if she's covered in scars, or if she's a lesbian. She's gorgeous to me no matter what. People like to see beautiful as girls with perfect hair, bodies, and faces. Mostly physical appearence. What they don't see is how amazing personalities and pasts can be. Marissa is such a sweetheart, and I'm proud to call her my friend. I support her choices one hundred percent, she is perfect. She doesn't like to wear makeup often, but she does when she visits the mall because she's actually afraid that she will be judged on what she looks like. To me, that's horrible. No one should feel like that, ever. I really hate that she feels like that. I wish I could just make her feel as great as she possibly could. On Facebook and Tumblr, I see the most depressing things on her blog and timeline and when I see them, I can't help but to hurt a bit. I just don't want her to feel that way. Like I said, no one. Everyone who doesn't like her just deserves a slap in the face and a lecture on how dumb they they are for not respecting how perfect she is to me. I mean, this is my opinion, but I honestly hate how society makes her look like trash, but makes girls who are completely rude and hurtful look beautiful. I cannot believe how much this generation caused people to go from happy to dead. Infact, Marissa is suicidal. Knowing that just breaks my heart. When she pulled up her sleeves yesterday, I was shocked. All up and down her arms are deep, purple scars. I just want to take her arms into mine and kiss every inch of them. I want her to feel as beautiful as I think she is. Scratch that. I want her to feel as beautiful as I know she is. I just cant help but to be repetitive here, but I cannot stress this enough that I hate this generation and how bad it affects some people. I just wish that the people who think that they're perfect and that they're better than everyone else could see how bad they hurt some people. Marissa is not alone, though. A few of my other friends are depressed, stricken with anxiety of all kinds, and suicidal. They are self harmers, anorexic, bulimic, scared, lonely, hurt. Again, heart is breaking. They have scars and damaged minds that only time can heal. They think that their physical and mental wounds will not heal. But, time will help them recover. It will get better. I even have my own share of stories, scars and habits. I feel a bit cowardly hiding behind a computer and saying all of this, but I'd be way to shy to actually say this in front of people. Want to guess why? Social anxiety disorder. I'm so afraid of being discriminated and laughed at for trying to be myself. Here's an example; Marissa just pierced my septum last night. Today is Sunday, so I have school tomorrow. I'm nervous about how my classmates and teachers are going to react. I know I shouldn't be afraid of how I come off looking to them, but I am. I wish I wasn't so scared. Again, society ruined another person. Here's another; Marissa and I both starve ourselves and purge our food. We're not proud of it, but we do it anyway. We've actually been revealing secrets to each other all throughout this sleep over, and we're just learning more about each other, and I love it. I love hearing about her past because of how strong she is. But, I like to believe that it will get better for me and everyone else. I'm being repetitive again, but I mean every single word of this. I love my friends who are there for me, and I want them to know that I'm there for them as well. Oh, and Marissa, if you're reading this, I love you. Stay strong, beautiful. It will get better.

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