~found a memory~

They say I'm grandiose, well that's ok with me. I found a memory, a stone with 7/7/12....Days later was my car accident.Today at church, my Pastor alway takes the time to speak with me, he says " I seem SUBDUED", I guess in away I AM. I feel alittled defeated. This was the first year of 30, I did not re-new my beauty licence. It seems point less, I will never do that work again. I see the same people,week,after week, in meetings,and church."And can't remember there names." It's a if this constant word echo's in my head [permanent] I suppose to be getting things in order, to have a surgery, which I have come to terms with , because I want feel better, yet I'm frightened of the unknown.... What I do know,is my family is learning to exept my memory is gone....And that ok too,It only stings when it's someone I love's [birthday],and I have forgotten, hopefully the can fix the pain or what, cause it....I wake up ,to all of my limb's being num,and in pain=makes no sence...But I always have this sence,I've forgotten something,or I suppose to be some where,and I wish the night mares would go away. I guess, I am subdued,and falling slowly~THIS TOO SHALL PASS~

~I tried to paint today, my spirt is happy,my heart is happy, My body "not so much" God gives me all that I need, and I won't give up someday, there will be a Jabip Village,and paint ,and sing~ and we will make ST[]NE S[]UP~ Without dreams, we wither....I perfer to dream......Til then I send you glitter~