Sunday, April 21, 2013

Reality [PTSD]

Reality has been : startling yet I'm aware....I went through a tragic emotional event,and I fared....Came out the of end of the tunnel,disarraded from abuse...Fight,or flieght those in the arena, would pick,and choose. Survival instict takes over, I fought my way through....One common thing,always mentioned in the rooms Insititions, Jail, or death....These thing's keep me straight....And the Love around me reminds me ,of who I use to be,of who I am...I'm a fighter,plain,and simple,I am coming out the other end......PTSD,is no laughing matter, what matters in YOU GET HELP,YOU GET UP! I find little reminder,my ticket back,a road map to myself in these un-back boxes arround me.....And I know I am healing, my mind is healing,beacuse when my family calls,and I am needed,I arise, I am Mother, I am MeMom, I am strong,and toe the line =I live by instinct..... I've been set off course, I had a plan, I had store picked out,I still managed to bring the tools,I needed to open a thriving business,and with God's will maybe someday will open my store Jabip Village/ Conignment~ but for now,I stew in pain,and heartache of what could have been.And what I lived through,I will stew [no more] TIME TO MAKE STONE SOUP!.... I am learning to except ,what is= permanent damage.....This concution won't quit,this pain never leaves...It has become apart of my new reality I have to work with it,and stop trying to go against the grain.... So my paints sit unopen,and my belogings, are scattered every where...But there here, and I'm here....I go procedure in May,some kind of needle,can remeber it's name.....I felt bitter the other day, when I saw my freind,we were at the same doctor,at same time, I was so happy to see her,but she paid me no mind.....In my heart,and my soul word's could not describe= I felt so abandoned,because when we were in the accident,only she know's [the answer's to all of my woes] Someone recently asked,how was before the accident, my reply= I was a machine, if I said I would move a mountain that day,where it was the ground would be clean, and I would more that mountain [one stone at a time]=I'm told the body is vessel,and to pay it no mind....To serve your purpose,at any cost,that if I die, it's by the cross! God himself,has visited me,do sound crazy" well yes indeed"..... But my task in not complete,so I standing here, mild,and meek.....An telling You, My Love, You are here, I am here, and You are not alone .......Love Mother X[]x Ps.maybe after the needle,we'll paint!

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