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Lydia is still in the nicu [hospital] She will be 5 weeks tomarrow....Her birth weight was 5lbs 5oz, she is now weighing in at 6lbs 12oz....."Praise God"
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F[]UR CHILDREN,and F[]UR GRANDBABIES,my BEAUTIFUL VILLAGE, L[]VE M[]THERSKY X[]x~WE THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS,we still pray for LYDIA to come H[]ME!
Prayers Welcome X[]x
Convulsions,tremors,seizures,makes no matter my body feels like it' in a vice.....So I listen to my favorite music,it calms me~Love Mother X[]x
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This is a song,I use to sing to You. When you were little,and now You can sing it to Lydia. Beacuse she is here....It's just gonna take some time Baby,It's all be alright ,Sunshine [Sending Y[]U, L[]VE X[]x ]
Reality has been : startling yet I'm aware....I went through a tragic emotional event,and I fared....Came out the of end of the tunnel,disarraded from abuse...Fight,or flieght those in the arena, would pick,and choose. Survival instict takes over, I fought my way through....One common thing,always mentioned in the rooms Insititions, Jail, or death....These thing's keep me straight....And the Love around me reminds me ,of who I use to be,of who I am...I'm a fighter,plain,and simple,I am coming out the other end......PTSD,is no laughing matter, what matters in YOU GET HELP,YOU GET UP! I find little reminder,my ticket back,a road map to myself in these un-back boxes arround me.....And I know I am healing, my mind is healing,beacuse when my family calls,and I am needed,I arise, I am Mother, I am MeMom, I am strong,and toe the line =I live by instinct..... I've been set off course, I had a plan, I had store picked out,I still managed to bring the tools,I needed to open a thriving business,and with God's will maybe someday will open my store Jabip Village/ Conignment~ but for now,I stew in pain,and heartache of what could have been.And what I lived through,I will stew [no more] TIME TO MAKE STONE SOUP!.... I am learning to except ,what is= permanent damage.....This concution won't quit,this pain never leaves...It has become apart of my new reality I have to work with it,and stop trying to go against the grain.... So my paints sit unopen,and my belogings, are scattered every where...But there here, and I'm here....I go procedure in May,some kind of needle,can remeber it's name.....I felt bitter the other day, when I saw my freind,we were at the same doctor,at same time, I was so happy to see her,but she paid me no mind.....In my heart,and my soul word's could not describe= I felt so abandoned,because when we were in the accident,only she know's [the answer's to all of my woes] Someone recently asked,how was before the accident, my reply= I was a machine, if I said I would move a mountain that day,where it was the ground would be clean, and I would more that mountain [one stone at a time]=I'm told the body is vessel,and to pay it no mind....To serve your purpose,at any cost,that if I die, it's by the cross! God himself,has visited me,do sound crazy" well yes indeed"..... But my task in not complete,so I standing here, mild,and meek.....An telling You, My Love, You are here, I am here, and You are not alone .......Love Mother X[]x Ps.maybe after the needle,we'll paint!
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A silhoutte,a Masterpiece, the canvas on museum wall. In the day,they stand before thee....... A work of art , for all to see. They stand,and look on so inquisitively. Finally, the light's go dim. Not a living soul around. In the night after the crowds, leave~ My soul is then , set free, Thy dances through the museum halls. caressing each work of art, bringing it to life. We all play our part's, each soul is an instrument. Sounds of an Orchestra,fill the halls of the museum. Songs of heartache,and sarrow. With no beginning, and no end, the infinity of sadness. ~ Thy dances through the halls. In search of the love,of whom thy longs. Thee sounds thy name, in violin. It echos through thy heart,thy dances room to room. Thy sounds of a harp,sounds of soft weeping.Gently played strings. Restless to know,the calm in thy's arms. Thy desire lulls thee ,to tip toe down the hall. Enchanted to be,this endless search. Thy heart blisters with fire,thy soul rages,and storms. The cold marble floors, begin to get warm.... ~ The light of day,works it's way in,the orchestra begins to silent. Thy hears thy violin,thy sounds thy name with ache,and pain. No word could explian,our want..... The sunlight touches thy wings,singes them brown. Sends thee to flight,to take thy feet from the ground. Thy must go back,to canvas on the wall. Thy falls empty to know the calm,in thy arms. If thy could have gone further,perhaps thy would know. To whom thy was painted for. Still lost in this infinty,of want. The dawn dances, on the sun lit floor. Thy journey ends,again once more. Unsatisified destination,leaves thee in pain. The volin quietly stops calling thy name. Perhaps one day,thy will find thee,and thy soul will be set free. Yet the sunlight forbids thee..... ~ Back to canvas, on museum wall. A work of art, for all to see. Thy does wonder,as those that look on so inquisitively. Can they see the fraility of thy eyes,looking back on to thee, and, thy wonders in who's measure of time is thy infinity. Shall thy even find the love, to whom thy belongs.Shall Thy Love,ever finish thy song...Double Infinity ~ MotherskyDragonfly~aka~Alezia
LYDIA MEGAN
Lydia is just over three weeks old,and still struggling....Her little heart,continues to fight....The phrase comes to mind= BLESS HER LITTLE HEART,we pray everyday for her strengh (Sunshine,aka Rachael is worn out) I'm so proud of her,if she is not nursing she is pumping....Beacause of that wonderful fact Lydia is much more advanced then the other babies in her unit.....Thanks be to God,Lydia middle name is Megan, they choose that name because it means Strength,and bravery,because she is a fighter.....In the cicle of life,I offer all the rest of my strengh to her,I say this out loud,and to God's ear.....I give to her the dim light I have left,Lord hear my prayer...... In being here for all these weeks with the children,and the year before when Travis was a Toddler,and recognising,I had a great hand in raising Hannah,and Emma= I am content,I have served my purpose....I raised 4 children, and now 4 granchildren, I am Grateful LORD,have this being spoken out loud,I find surrendar in my soul [PEACE]........I use to think I needed to do something great, to be wealthy,to perhaps paint a painting for a gallery....Or write a book,and have all royalties go to my family,so they would be taken care of..... In smalls way I have,as limited as Mother can,with children under feet... Bumpy the frog is out there,I need a publisher to put it in circulation, and others books have been drafted..... I have paintings in churchs,privite murals, people always ask why don't I have a portfolio= well then, it would be private,and would personal,and one of a kind................ As these day's pass,I reconginie= perhap's I have served,my purpose.Thank You Lord for all of my Gift's,Like sun flower follows the sun LORD,I will follow YOU....Love Mother,aka MeMom X[]x Thank You For my Village.jpeg)
M[]THER NEED's TO PUBLIH THIS B[][]k= BUMPY the FR[]G.....[need to pay the rent,and keep the light's on...hehe]
Just came back from my Doctor's,"oh yes those echoing word's permanent damage"......Usally the insurance company provides trasportation, by the Grace of God, my daughter Sunshine/aka Rachael took me today......Beacause I stay with the children,while she run's back,and forth to nurse our Lydia......I am Grateful,Lydia is making progress...Fear set's in I'm losing the use of my arm's,I'm just sad= Because back when I was staying with Moonshine/aka Angelina,I dropped baby Travi,after the accident....So you can imagine,I can't wait to soon see Lydia,but I am afraid to hold her....My heart feels brken,my body feels broken....When then run down the lit of permant injuries, my mind goes blank.....I am grateful to be here,I'm just frightened,they scheduled a procedure for May 6th....My heart aches,and I just wanted to tell somebody,and I'm so glad sunshine was there today,because I can never remember what their saying=C4-5 C5-6 C6-7 1T 1L/ I only hear losing the use of my arms,and word permanent=THIS WILL MAKE ME STRONGER,for TODAY "I feel fragile" X[]x
I found,that when your gaurd is down, and you have no expectaions= Beautiful, meaningful things,come your way....When least expect it,when your just being your[in sweat pants,un brushed hair] self....You find ,yourself in a freind's company smiling,laughing.....I've been tearing my house up,looking for an important document.....My life is wonderful,just de-railed....It's not much that I try to run the show anymore,I do give it God. I just wish God would give me back my memory. Because not much feel's fimilar. So fear of the un-known, fear ,and worry for my family,Fear,I may never be same again,I have'nt painted-I think,I've afaid I can't,plus the vacancy has shut me down..... My Churh is going to have a comitte meeting,they want me to paint a mural for the Church....Joy to be able to serve my purpose.[Seems my inspiration has been lost,and with my favorite things,and my memory missing,I've been lost....But my very thoughtful freind,who I thought hardly knew me,perhap's know's me better,then I know myself....Had perspective=Inspiration/a gift of my favorite prints [I look at it,and I can't wait to paint,when I find that crack in the day, I will crack open those paint's= who knew,Thank You Freind=A reminder of who I am, I am Mothersky/aka MeMom X[]x
I have'nt painted since my accident,finding my back back....Now I have studio,and I'm unpacking.....Prayers for Lydia, then Mother will paint again=I have a procedure schedules on May 6th, to reduce the swelling,then by the GRACE of GOD [we will paint]But fornow "I have H[]PE"
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