Black bird by the Beatles

You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

I may be gone for a while~

Can afford internet,and TV... Now  normally I would have chosen WIFI, over TV. But since I've become a homebody [ I chose television ] So for now as long as I near a hotspot, or visiting a relative I'll see You when...... Much Love Alezia 

Phil Collins~ I don't care ANYMORE ! [ Cause I know] Love will always prevail,,,,,,,,,,,

I always believed in the philosophy " I can move a mountain one stone at a time".  I still have that same theory, only at the present moment I'm pushing a boulder up hill [and holding ground ] So now I don't so much want to move a mountain, or even climb to the top. Just want to hold My ground...... Every person in life has HATERS, some of those people may even be related to You. ~ I've got nothing to lose if I speak My mind = I don't care ANYMORE! I do alright by Myself...........  

                                    "  [ Cause I know ]  Love will always prevail....."

Your Voice matters !

I can and I will speach!

shot #5

work in progress~

shot #4 [Thinkinking []ut loud ]

painting in progress~

 My painting cocoon.......shot #3.

Cocoon

Can't take the pain, going into My cocoon......

The Movie from Dusk to Dawn~ is on the Philadelphia channel= THIS

Free Lolita, check it out on facebook

Free Lolita The Killer Whale

January 16 at 5:38pm ·

https://www.thedodo.com/lolita-march-miami-free-orca-933985…

Thousands Are About To Hit The Streets For ‘World’s Loneliest Orca’

For the love of animals. Pass it on.

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Etta James~ I want a Sunday kinda of Love

My Diary~

[It takes a year for Your spinal cord to grow an inch, of healing ] It's  not so much that I feel  defeated ,then it is I'm impatient.We were at the Doctors last  Monday, and will be again this Monday.... A week feels forever long..... I do get high expectation with most in things life. I use to be more on the side of optimism.... Yet these days have long and painful, I have watched My perspective change.... It's the same way I look at all My paint's and beads that surround Me.... They are just there [ I am just here] When I had My neck surgery in summer, I really thought that would be the fix all....I miss the days of thinking  I could do anything, and I miss being the Memom swing. I will go call My Pastor, My spirits fading.

Victrola time~ [Take Me to the river ] Talking Heads

Talking Heads – Take Me To The River Lyrics

I don't know why I love her like I do
All the changes you put me through
Take my money, my cigarettes
I haven't seen the worst of it yet
I want to know that you'll tell me
I love to stay
Take me to the river, drop me in the water
Take me to the river, dip me in the water
Washing me down, washing me down

I don't know why you treat me so bad
Think of all the things we could have had
Love is an ocean that I can't forget
My sweet sixteen I would never regret

I want to know that you'll tell me
I love to stay
Take me to the river, drop me in the water
Push me in the river, dip me in the water
Washing me down, washing me

Hug me, squeeze me, love me, tease me
Till I can't, till I can't, till I can't take no more of it
Take me to the water, drop me in the river
Push me in the water, drop me in the river
Washing me down, washing me down

I don't know why I love you like I do
All the troubles you put me through
Sixteen candles there on my wall
And here am I the biggest fool of them all

I want to know that you'll tell me
I love to stay
Take me to the river and drop me in the water
Dip me in the river, drop me in the water
Washing me down, washing me down.

Called the Doctors office~

It's maddening .......Neurologist said stop the steroid,  []k~all this suffering for not, thought it would make Me better. Reduced the swelling in My head. But the pain has driven Me out of My mind.....

sick of being sick~ I miss My life as I knew It! WHEN

Riding out the steroid treatment. It's been a roller coaster of pain, but the inflammation in My skull is subsiding...  I'd like to click My heel, and be well.....I miss My life,as I knew it!

When~

 

[ timing is everything ] We are in this together!

I woke the other morning paralyzed, by trying to hide it from My daughter Jewelia~ I called out for My sisters help....... She physically had to engage my arms places behind My head. And noticed My my hands were burning. I was unaware of the sensation, due to the palatalization. Trying not to alarm My daughter, My Sister helped Me rise to My feet.  I have been staying here because Scooter's health has declined. And We had an appointment with My neurologist that day [the big MRI reveal ]........ Over the last couple months my daily pain went for a scale of  9 to 12,,,,, []ut of My mind pain~ My point is I have been suffering in silence ,,,, With no understanding why~ normally I could hide these symptoms from My family= believe it or not, I do NOT try to complain. Normally I would push myself, to get up. And make pancakes,or cinnamon rolls~ and be accommodating. []ver the last couple of months~ I could no longer rise to the occasion.     Fortunately I had I changed My appointment several times~ to be at events to emotionally support My family..... Yet do to My decline I have let My family down, as well as My Church Family..... I just had no strength, and the pain has driven Me into dark place of isolation.

I say timing is everything because, by time I made it to My appointment = My neurologist seems to have a patient, which Whom has the same symptoms. Although it is rare to diagnose because of the time waited, and the MRI results. And the TBI, it all factors in, since the pituitary gland is at the stem of the brain. And all symptoms have played them selves out...... I feel grateful, and can say with ease timing is everything.... I'm on the steroid, I'm in out of My mind pain. But seem to have a doctor, who seems to know the cause [ Thanking God []ut loud, all things comes in God's time. And this time I understand, because I was truly losing hope and faith ] And now understand, this was out of My control. I have to let go, and let God. [ I hope to help other people, that are having the struggles I am encountering] I recently have found info, on TBI support. Will post that later ] To those Whom are not understanding, and feel like I'm just complaining. Go away, there many people like Me, who suffer in silence..... My Love You are here, and so am I = We in this together!

What can go wrong with my pituitary gland?

The most common problem with the pituitary gland occurs when a benign growth (often referred to as 'adenoma' or 'tumour') develops. This can cause the gland to produce excess hormone, or it can block hormone production, or it can be 'non functioning' (hormone production not affected in any way).
Other rarer causes of pituitary disorders can include, for example, traumatic brain injury and pituitary infarction (also known as pituitary apoplexy).

Some pet's are like People [Sendind Love, and Prayers to Scootie Bootie ]

~Scooter~ We Love You, You have taught us Love and kindness......... It's been an emotion time. My sisters dog [baby ] has terminal cancer~ they told her last week,maybe he had six weeks` To us He is a Family member... I'm sure My sister would be upset over My blog, But I'm sure there are people out there, who understand~And their pets are like their children..... Everybody loves Scooter, My Sister has shown great strength~  We are emotional support for each other....... This is not an easy time, but it sure makes one aware, just how short life is. And You should live each day to it's fullest.....We will Love hime each moment God grants Us. We Love You Boots........

Just in case, You didn't know where it was either~

Pituitary Gland~

[cyst ]     Neurologic symptoms of pituitary adenomas include headaches; double vision; and loss of peripheral vision leading to blindness, facial pain, or numbness. Hypopituitarism manifests itself by lack of energy, weight loss, nausea, vomiting, constipation, amenorrhea and infertility, dry skin, increase pigmentation of the skin, cold intolerance, and mental status changes (eg, sleepiness, psychosis, collapse).[Being treated with steroids ]

[Running willy nilly]~tears of Joy

Had My neurologist  appointment today ~CONFUSED= but walked away with some understanding = I'm not crazy, and it's not all in My head..... Well it effects My head, but I'm not losing My mind for no reason.  The disc of the MRI, was un- readable on their computer. the image center needs to send  a new copy. However there was report , turns out I have a cyst of My pituitary gland, that has caused MORE PAIN, and swelling in My brain.... [That's GOOD NEWS to Me, I thought I had Alzheimer]...... So they also going to run a panel  of  blood work.... Because I do traumatic brain injury.... And start Me on a steroid to reduce the swelling, hopefully help the pain. I go back in a week.

In telling My children, I feel happy. Because My behavior has changed over the last couple of months. The sense of feeling lost, unable to be left home alone. Un- able to move my limbs, I'm in the care of My Sister..I am happy of this discovery, because it can be corrected. But for a while I was running willy nilly...... See You soon, My Love X[]x   I choose life, I choose Love ! It's been a dark couple of months, and now I feel hopeful.

neurologist rant~ []ut of My Mind

So I called My neurologist the other day, because We go on Monday." For the results of the MRI, for My back [mid spine]... Let Me remind You My accident was back in 2012.... So why has this process taken so long= I now know why. Back to the call to My neurologist I asked them, what test do We need to take to detect early on set alzheimer.  because of it's MENTION! They told Me they are My treating neurologist, not a diagnosing neurologist. REALLY ~ So all the talk of TBI, all the nerve damage they have discovered . The EMG, the EKG, all the e-rays. Are all just to know, to treat= NOT DIAGNOSE..... They are the car accident provided Doctor's [ Where is the Oath ]There should be a law, now I'm pissed=and out of My mind....... We will get to the core of this tomorrow!  ~ FIGHTING TO LIVE, a normal life = I want My life back!

Painting is good therapy~ Hangin []ut with Scooter

Setting up an easel , in My new creative space.....
able to spend time with Scooter~

Bingo night!

Yes that's what people My age, do with their Friday nights ,LOL!

Beautiful dream~[]f a Buffalo

A beautiful buffalo graced my presence in My dream. I looked at him, and He at Me acknowledged each other respectfully as He passed Me by..... I was so taken by such beauty, so majestic.

Are You living, or existing ? [ I hope You dance ]

[Tyler Perry] A Family that prey's= asks You are living, or are You existing...... G[][]D WATCH

I hopeYou dance!  X[]x

The Bachelor's on tonight!

We are~

We are who We are, by event that have altered us in LIFE.... I am light, I am sky~ My heart and soul are pure. [Damaged] And God knows why. And everyday when My eyes awake, I will continue to try " to make this a better World. And God knows why.~ My Love You are here, and so am I.  Let's leave the best imprint We can, or at least try."

wet paint

Enhanced with glow in the dark, moon and stars......

It's a start~

I know it's not great, but it's a start. I yearn to create for it is the only place~ I have control. To take a blank canvas, and fill it with color and emotion. To create= to turn nothing, and make it something. To remove all boundaries of walls, to only think of the colors taking up the space...... It's my soft place to fall. Let it be Yours, I encourage  You to be creative! 

Words of Wisdom~

Don't allow cruel people to stunt Your growth, even if  You are  related to them... Sticks, and stones may brake Your bones~ and names do wound Your heart = Just try Your best to not  become like them, and remove anyone that brings Your well being emotional,or physical~ away from You........Brake the chain of abuse  aka/ co-dependency          BE INDEPENDENT! 

Echo, Echo ,Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills~

What do You do when life gets You down, You keep on swimming.

We woke up, and watched wreck it Ralph. And cinnamon buns. And a day filled with card games.....

Baby of Mine

[]ur heart beats the same, I am always there in Your heart ~ Baby of Mine X[]x, Love MeMom

[Start the Journal of Your life]

[ Day 1 ] Jan. 1st 2015

I always say I will start a journal on My birthday, then when I don't= I will start on the New Year..... A page a day!