Pink Floyd ~TIME~[time to start living]

 

 

Time, time is a tricking thing. ~We all want more time, they say timing is everything. I have been quite pessimistic , I feel as if I'm running out of time... I'm sure You all feel that way. "We must make the most of our time".

I ran into an old Friend last night at Church, expressed my surgery is coming up~ And I'm trying to get things in order. Many of You may know I moved form one apartment to the other. I have things here, and there. And Her wisdom was just what I  needed to hear, she said "'It just doesn't matter. That if Your not well enough to do it, it just doesn't get done. That instead I should be living, in this time. Not worrying over what I didn't get done" .My PTSD has been there for so many years, after the event of a triple death, the cleaning up after someone has passed, is devastating= and somehow I find myself trying, to clean up in the event of my death/ that I've forgotten how to live..... This car accident has brought all that fear ,to the fore front of my mind~ they say pain is the trigger..... The grand plan is to have the surgery, to be out of the pain... I will try harder to live by the serenity prayer=because I feel myself losing reality, when close my eyes to sleep [I have flash backs of the car accident, and I want it to go away]  I mostly don't understand how if I a TBI= traumanic brain injury, and short term memory loss- why does play in my head, like a loop. It's been hard on my Family ,they are not use to seeing me cry all the time. That [this] is not the Woman they knew, this pain has altered Me.... I will try harder ,to Live more. =TIME TO START LIVING/ I've been living like I'm dying.....Time to G[] catch the bus,and get the blood work, and x-ray I need for surgery.Be back soon X[]x

~The Middle~

Everything is gonna be just fine.......            I  have all these great sayings around my apartment, "Live the Life you've always imagined". And " If Y[]U can imagine it, Y[]U can dream it. Dream it, and Y[]U can  be it." Like I said lately I'm getting in my []wn way..... I still have my dreams , they are just on hold..... My Family remind Me, of Me they knew, and this is just the middle~                   "Don't write Y[]URSELF of yet, We are in the middle of the ride"

~It doesn't matter if it's G[][]D EN[]UGH, It just takes some TIME. "JUST DO Y[]UR BEST!"

~Y[]U are Perfect~

~I sometimes try so hard, to do things right. To put things in order, to make my relationships right. To make the best of my time, I strive for perfection....... To the point, I drive people away. I overdue it. I have been going through a terrible depression....... So if You feel this way too~ Know You are Perfect ! [Just the WAY Y[]U ARE!] We learn~ We have imperfections from others, We are graded through their eyes, these feelings will pass/don't change []NE thing about Yourself  to please another person...... Just BE Y[]U, You are unique!  Love, Mother X[]x

Panic Attack~Dream Theater

 

~I find myself struggling physically, which is taken an emotional toll on Me. There I days I feel like I can't push on, but My Sister ,and Scooter come drag me out of bed..... And push Me to tend to the tasks that need to be satisfied before the surgery~ No doubt, I feel like surrendering.... Then My Children will call on me, and I try to rise to the occasion. My Mom came by the other day, I colored her hair, and she colored mine. I want my hair corn rowed before surgery..... No one wants to talk about it, but everyday I feel like I'm dying a little... I'm not use to feeling this disabled... So I made it understood, that if I do die I want to be creamated ......I will continue to push on ,but it's like driving a car on three tires. I'm having Panic Attacks./and the gears keep turning= I miss I Me, I use to be...... Surgery date is  Monday June 30th

~Crazy Train~ []zzy []sbourne

~The sound of the train wakes Me~

I'm going off the rails, on a crazy train.......

Another sleepless night, We are experiencing a lot of rain here. The sounds along with the pain wake Me. So much is going on around My household , from home repairs..... The process of moving from one apartment, to the other. Prep for My surgery, and keeping up with Doctor's appointments. "I am simply over whelmed". Each time I have to describe the car accident details to someone , its like reliving it. And being in this constant pain amplifies it ...... The line up is 4 appointments to keep, then surgery, all less then a month from now. ~ I haven't even notified all My Family yet/ there is a part of Me that can't wait .Because it [the surgery] will correct my nerves in my neck, from pinching, and compressing. "But I feel powerless, even though I've been powerless all along'. I pray a lot , mostly because this pain is maddening ..... I feel like I'm on the crazy train~

~Have HEART~

~ I feel as if, I'm half way there.....   "I tell You don't give up! Because I am struggling too. Therefore  My advise to You, is what I say out loud to myself during the climb. So many People feel like they are alone, But Your not~ look around You, and You will see []ur eyes give us away...... The eyes of the suffering. Be kind to []ne another, perhaps say hello~to the passer by. For the weight on their shoulders , maybe as great as Yours, maybe even greater......Mountains to climb, Just know Y[]U are not alone.......See You on the Stairs~ WE JUST NEED HEART~  

~Bringing LIGHT to the DARK~L[][]K IN, instead of TURNING AWAY!

~When You see this symbol, know WE are speaking of  anti-bullying~

"We are in this together!" With Pastors permission, letters of bulling may be sent to CO-Pastor Richard Gehert - First Baptist Church, 400 Monmouth St., P.O. Box 47, Gloucester City N.J. 08030. "Hopefully, if WE get enough People to participate, and if the Church would agree, perhaps We can arrange a live Google hang or video, to send the message to all..... In the meantime, let's all be kind to []ne another, and L[][]K IN, instead  of TURNING AWAY" Much Love ,Mother X[]x